Hey there, Bookish Tweeters! Wow, it’s been such a long time (again) since the last couple tweets-pieces I dished out last month…
So, while it’s still the loveliest day of the year (at least according to the Hallmark card/candy industry), here is not just any regular tweets-piece; in fact, it’s not even the first of two parts of a singularly-themed tweets-piece – rather, this is a deluxe V-Day tweets-piece, which I’m sure will make up for all the bookish tweets goodness you’ve missing… of course, with a few bonus tweet-treats saved at the end as a reward for sticking on through!
Anyway, lovebirds and singlets combined (I’m not here to judge), let’s begin, shall we??
The (Real) Witch-Hunt Begins
While spreading a virus is undeniably deadly, people underestimate just how dangerous spreading something as small as a rumor can be: It can all start with one person who heard from a friend who heard from another friend who heard from their friends… and so on. I just wonder how that old tradition started anyway…
Abigail Williams: *accuses her enemies of witchcraft*
Everyone else in Salem with a score to settle: pic.twitter.com/lD8UXvDuNH
— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) January 4, 2021
Oh, right, the rumor of rumors: a rumor so deadly that it can mean a matter of… well, death!
The True Villain
You know when you come across a character and you automatically know whether or not they’re the villain? Try this one on for size…
Shakespeare villain: I, a person who has an interest in seeing your relationship fail, think your wife might be cheating on you. I sure hope you don't overreact to this information
The husband: (Already plotting murder) I have no further questions. Don't what now
— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) January 6, 2021
So, which one is the real villain? I guess we’ll never know…
The Most Prophetic Of Them All…
As devoted bookworms, we tend to connect our books to the real world – and vice-versa. So, this no doubt can more than apply to us as a whole…
Everyone arguing about which dystopian novel was most prescient pic.twitter.com/lvWq63sdaQ
— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) January 11, 2021
Careful though, because this might end up turning into The Hunger Games… (We’d better hope it doesn’t eventually come to that IRL!)
The True Evil
You know how there’s that one person in your life who is always causing drama for the sake of drama and does whatever they can to get their way with no regard for anyone else’s well-being?
Hamlet sending Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to their deaths pic.twitter.com/Uo8AiqBvC0
— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) January 12, 2021
Yeah, no kidding!
(Plus, there’s plenty more Hamlet in this piece where that one came from…)
Email Marketing 101: Jane Austen Edition
So, you want to write a formal email, Jane Austen style… The main trick is to stop thinking of your recipients as your next sales to close and as real people, and really get the heart of the matter. Here is just one example on how to do just that…
How to write a formal email:
Dear [name],
I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever…
— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) January 13, 2021
See? Very personable, so really show them that you care…
(P.S. This isn’t the last you’ll see a Persuasion tweet in this cornucopia of tweets…)
The Alarm Clock You Always Wanted
While I don’t wish this on anybody, chances are: you’ve had a stalker at least once in your life…
The Raven tapping on the window once upon a midnight dreary https://t.co/nBJfZBtIEx
— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) January 18, 2021
…only in this case, I’m not sure how you can report a raven to the authorities… Look at it this way: at least you’d get an alarm clock you don’t have to pay for… at night.
All in the (Long) Timing
I don’t know about you, but one of my reading pet peeves is when some authors don’t get to the point fast enough when they have to – and then get there too quickly when they don’t have to…
19th-century authors killing off a major character
▶ 🔘──────── 00:0519th-century authors describing a chair or something
▶ 🔘──────── 1:54:27— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) January 18, 2021
And that’s not all…
▶ 🔘──────── 12:32:45
— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) January 18, 2021
Hmmm, when you put it like that, I wonder how long this whole tweets-piece would take if it were timed out…
It’s All (Book) Logic!
I’m sure you know that when you grow up watching cartoons, certain things happen on TV that don’t necessarily happen IRL (usually based on science, circumstance, or anything else), and we just blame it on cartoon logic. Books on the other hand…
Must a plot point "make sense"? Is it not enough to have Hamlet get kidnapped by pirates who then drop him off back in Denmark as if they were little more than an Uber?
— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) January 19, 2021
…they just don’t make sense!
You Had One(ish) Job!
Whenever you ask someone to do something and they don’t exactly get it exactly the way you wanted them to do it…
Hamlet's dad: I want you to get revenge on your uncle and leave your mom alone.
Hamlet: pic.twitter.com/V6vGeFUrFh
— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) January 22, 2021
Well, at least he tried! (Technically, he originally didn’t mean for it all to end up in death, including himself, but still, he gave it the best he got, so… yay?)
Preaching From The Choir?
That group of bystanders who just watches everything unfold in front of them and does nothing to help…
Greek choruses had the right idea. Show up, offer commentary on the drama, leave.
— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) January 26, 2021
Hey, if you ask me, I’ll just say this: If you’re not gonna help, don’t show up at all! Moral of the story: Don’t be a bystander!
It Just Doesn’t Work That Way!
When the outcome of the rules doesn’t exactly apply to you as it does for someone else…
So when other people wear a mask, stay inside a lot, and start giving singing lessons on the side, they're "dealing with a global pandemic." But when I, the Phantom of the Opera,
— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) January 28, 2021
Haters gonna hate, so deal with it, Phantom…
The Needy, Desperate Friend
When that one friend in your friend group tries to include everyone else in your drama…
My wife Helen went to Troy and I'm gonna make it everyone's problem
— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) February 5, 2021
It’s not always about you, Menelaus! (That is, unless your wife just so happens to be the living embodiment of Greece, so in that case, we leave at dusk for Troy.)
Can I Have A Second Opinion?
When you have a problem and talk to your counselor/therapist about it, and they offer you this piece of advice…
The plan? Have Juliet fake her death by drinking a sleeping draught pic.twitter.com/NgdFqVpmYo
— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) February 8, 2021
You want my advice? Ask to draw up a contract to sign first, and then you have the right to sue!
A Matter Of Blending In
When your effortless disguise to blend in with the others works like a charm…
Women in Shakespeare disguising themselves by wearing a cap pic.twitter.com/u4eFKdsoiu
— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) February 8, 2021
Perhaps a little too well…
Hermit Is Where The Heart Is
When the other try to force you out to socialize – in the pre-COVID times – but you really just want to stay in all day…
Mr. Darcy at the Meryton ball pic.twitter.com/xq1ApIlEgS
— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) February 10, 2021
I couldn’t tell you enough how much this one hits me hard on so many levels…
Now that we’ve gone through more than a heavy helping of a too-long-overdue 15-tweet course meal, now comes time for some delicious tweet-treats… or as I call them: the bonus Valentine’s Day(ish)-themed tweets!
Bonus Tweet #1: A Look From Afar
I think this one more than applies to this day – or even any holiday or special occasion…
Is this a) Nick Carraway meeting Gatsby for the first time or b) me seeing someone hot in the greeting card aisle at CVS and reading way too much into the fact that we made eye contact pic.twitter.com/WspaS33YH0
— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) January 15, 2021
If it works out, you now found someone to give that card to!
Bonus Tweet #2: A Close Heart-Call
When that special boo gets your heart pumping like crazy…
does your heart ever just go:
♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
♡ ♡ ♡
♡ there's a body ♡
♡ beneath the ♡
♡floorboards♡
♡ ♡
♡— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) January 25, 2021
…and by boo, I mean your conscience because that murder you committed – though the boo could have been from the ghost of the guy you just killed…
Bonus Tweet #3: Halves Of A Whole
If you’re in a relationship, there’s no getting around this…
Relationships should be 50/50. I break off our engagement, you leave me for 8 years to earn your fortune at sea
— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) February 9, 2021
…though sometimes, it’s not always 50/50, because we’re not always at our 100%, so if it means going the extra mile (one if by land, two if by sea), go for it if you have to for the one you love!
Bonus Tweet #4: A Poem For The Ages
As a lover of poetry (and a bit of a hopeless romantic), I can attest that if you want to sweep a hopeless romantic right off their feet, nothing can beat a well-written love poem…
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Elizabeth rejected me
So I guess you'll do pic.twitter.com/UF33nBbPdb— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) February 11, 2021
Wow, thanks… but I think I’ll take my chances with Darcy.
Bonus Tweet #5: A Vacay Trip To Remember
Other than this bookish tweets-piece, need a last-minute Valentine’s Day gift? Consider this…
Girls don't want flowers and chocolates for Valentine's Day, girls want to exit the Underworld without anyone turning around thus sending them back
— SparkNotes (@SparkNotes) February 12, 2021
As long as you don’t look at her (good intentions or not), then she’ll love it so much, she might be willing to stay forever!
Happy (late) Valentine’s Day, everyone! And hope it’s as filled with love as is this deluxe-sized bookish tweets-piece…
Featured Image Made via Photoshop













