Everyone grieves differently. There are no right words to express the feeling of loss, or to tell someone who is bereaving. I have lost people in my life, and while sometimes all you can do is sit and feel your grief, I have found reading to be both helpful and meditative. There are so many philosophical works that offer helpful perceptive and insight. Sometimes, the most important thing is to feel like you’re not alone. Novels, short stories, poetry, and memoirs exploring loss and the process of mourning can be some of the best ways of feeling connected. Here’s a short list of some books that have aided me through the mourning process.
The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron
The Places that Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times is a wonderful piece of philosophy. Chodron is a well-known spiritual teacher and Tibetan Buddhist nun- but you don’t need to be the least bit spiritual to find comfort, strength and solace in her work. In this work, Chodron poses the idea that we have the choice to either let “the circumstances of our lives harden us…or we can let them soften us and make us kind.” She’s never condescending or saying how we “should” or “shouldn’t” feel. If you’ve lost someone, this work may help you gain a different perspective on moving forward.
A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis
Lewis, who is well known for The Chronicles of Narnia series, beautifully wrote about his bereavement after losing his wife in 1960. While he was a religious man, people of all faiths can find his work deeply moving for a number of reasons. In his personal notes and journals, Lewis wrote about his stages of grief- from shock to denial to acceptance. His words are raw and understandable. It’s a deeply personal, honest work and a refreshing read, especially for those going through a similar grieving process.
The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
Didion knows grief and she knows how to relate to grievers. One of my favorite quotes from the book is: “A single person is missing for you, and the whole world is empty.” She captures the feeling of loss that is so difficult to put into words. Didion lost her husband in 2004, while her daughter had a long, painful battle with a serious illness. The book is moving and reassuring; we experience grief, but life must move on.
The Art of Losing: Poems of Grief and Healing by Kevin Young
This collection of 150 poems from brilliant poets with a variety of voices and approaches to death. Young has experience with loss which he channels into creative energy and brilliant poetry. His skills as a poet and editor are evident in the carefully thought out anthology, which is split into six sections (Reckoning, Regret, Remembrance, Rituals, Recovery, and Redemption). However you’re feeling- angry, complacent, confused- there’s a poem for you.
Swimming in the Sea of Death: A Son’s Memoir by Davied Rieff
David Rieff, son of the famed writer Susan Sontag, brilliantly chronicles his experience as his mother suffered through 9 months of cancer- up until her death. Many people have experienced just this, a parent or loved one’s long battle with an illness that involves countless doctors and drugs. The beauty of Rieff’s memoir is that he shows his mother’s fierce bravery while facing death, as well as his internal struggle with fear, guilt, and difficult confrontation with death. His work is a wonderful tribute to his mother and a powerful look at how consuming death and illness are.
The Loved One by Evelyn Waugh
