July 1st is Creative Ice Cream Flavors Day, which we really need after America has been plunged into heat wave after heat wave. I, unfortunately, cannot cook (are people who make ice cream cooks?) or am a person who should really ever be let near food, so trying to create my own ice cream flavors would just result in gag-inducing disaster.
I am a writer, however, so instead I have created general descriptions of ice cream flavors matching fandoms from popular books and media. (Think of this as a chance to insert your favorite, or least favorite, flavors into the descriptions instead of having random ones added for you!)
Percy Jackson
If we’re talking Percy Jackson and the Olympians, the ice cream is blue and that’s all there is to it. However, the ice cream flavor representing The Trials of Apollo is what really intrigues me. The container, of course, would sing praises to Apollo, and the flavor would be something ridiculously rare and expensive that you wouldn’t usually eat. (Caviar?) The ice cream includes gold shavings, because why not, and is used to soothe the throats of very wealthy singers.
Lord of the Rings
This ice cream comes in a giant container. Think big, and then imagine something even larger. It takes you almost a year to eat, but you can tell someone carefully crafted it, that all the berries that come as part of it grew up in a happy forest and were picked by hand, and that they probably have names, so you almost feel bad eating them. A week ago, you found the ice cream contained a cave in its depths, and you’re pretty sure there’s an entire civilization of ice cream monsters living there. There’s a label on the container that says something about certain boxes containing secret prize rings, but you’re just worried you’ll end up swallowing it by accident.
Game of Thrones
Game of Thrones ice cream, I think, would be dipped in the blood of its enemies and impart a burning desire to rule the world in any who eat it. Because it probably took so much time preparing for winter, it’s especially cold. Do not include it at weddings.
Star Wars
With the amount of planets and places in the Star Wars universe, I can’t really say what specific type of ice cream represents them, but if I had to go by the movies, I say that this particular flavor would be all about becoming one with the force. To accomplish this, it would focus on seeking out subtle tastes from the depths of the ice cream. I imagine that ice cream with multiple flavors would be included here, the more the better. If this is the case, then which flavor is the dark side?
Marvel Cinematic Universe
I figured I’d break this down into other categories, since Marvel shows have been so popular lately.
- Loki – This flavor is the equivalent of an oatmeal raisin cookie. In fact, it’s not even real ice cream, but a large scoop of butter with a few raisin’s stuck in it. You can guarantee someone is laughing at you as you eat it.
- WandaVision – A spellbinding combination of flavors that also inspire several spinoff flavors. All three are recalled, however, after giving an entire town food poisoning.
- The Falcon and the Winter Soldier – Think of an old ice cream flavor that you love that you can’t find anymore. This is the new version of that. (Technically, it’s the second new version, but someone found frozen rats in the first and the plant was shut down). The outside of every container contains an inspiring speech.
Shadow and Bone
If you open a container of this ice cream and it declares that it is the Darkling, close it immediately and throw it in a lake or equivalent body of water. Really, if your ice cream is talking, you have a problem. If not, you will find what appears at first to be a common flavor, but that contains an additional substance. Perhaps coffee for energy, to push away your exhaustion. Purchasing this donates to some sort of charity attempting to save the world. There is a separate brand of ice cream (Six of Crow, anyone?) that transferred under the same label and now has become synonymous with the original.