August 1st is National Mountain Climbing Day, which is something I have little experience in since I am incredibly afraid of heights. What I do have experience in, though, is reviewing books. So for National Mountain Climbing Day, let’s take a look at the mountains, at the books, and put them together for a session of mountains rating books and other types of media. We will operate on a 0 to 5 boulders scale, 0 boulders being the worst, and 5 boulders being the best. While I can’t really put myself in the head of a mountain to figure out whether they would prefer romance or fantasy, I can evaluate how much mountains appear in books, so that is what I will base the scale on.
Lord of the Rings – 3 out of 5 Boulders
The appearances of mountains are much appreciated, but the lack of focus on those mountains is unfortunate. The characters just walk over them without paying them much attention or use them for their obsession with destroying jewelry.
The Hobbit – 4 out of 5 Boulders
The love that these dwarves have for their mountain home is enough to make any mountain feel good about themselves. They spend an entire book journeying far, longing for their return. They battle dragons, trolls, all for the honor of their beloved mountain. There is no way that mountains could rate this book poorly, and it only receives a 4 out of 5 boulders because it doesn’t spend much time actually at the mountain.
The Hobbit Upon Further Thought and After Seeing An Unexpected Journey – 0 out of 5 Boulders
Dear God, what are they doing to that mountain? The dwarves live inside of it? Inside? They would tear up a mountain for their own personal gain? This isn’t a movie about a love of mountains, it’s a movie about all the ways creatures can destroy mountains! It’s a horror film, but with no advantages to watching it. How could anyone ever believe that this was wonderful?
Percy Jackson and the Olympians – 4.5 out of 5 Boulders
The featuring of mountains in prominent positions in Greek Mythology makes this an extremely mountain-friendly read. However, what kind of mountain has an elevator? Perhaps an elevator might be acceptable if it increases the respect humans have for the most imposing landscape feature to grace the planet, but this one just seems to have been put in place so that characters can skip to the top. Mountains are not just their peaks! The characters should have to walk up and appreciate their surroundings while doing so. You complain about this being time-consuming? Well, mountains have all the time in the world.
Harry Potter – 0 out of 5 Boulders
There is absolutely no focus on mountains in this book. Everyone is just waving around sticks, participating in some sort of tree worship. While mountains are, of course, pleased that trees are getting a turn in the spotlight, by the mountain measuring scale, the lack of mountains makes this book fall to the bottom. We’d call it 5 out of 5 twigs though.
Frankenstein – 5 out of 5 Boulders
Now here is a book that really appreciates the majesty of nature. The mountains in this book of wonderfully described and seem to be at its forefront. There’s something about a scientist in there as well, maybe, but wow, look at those mountains.
Star Wars – 3 out of 5 Boulders
While there aren’t many mountains in Star Wars that play significant roles, the potential for mountains within the galaxy seems fairly high. It’s fun to imagine what kind of mountains exist out there, perhaps even mountains unlike any mountain that’s ever been seen on Earth. 3 out of 5 Boulders for being inspiring to a mountain’s imagination, but as far as actual mountain content goes, the score should be considerably lower.
Pokémon Diamond, Pearl, and platinum – 5 out of 5 Boulders
A landscape that’s entirely organized around a single mountain? A mountain that the player must cross many times and that has incredible forces at its peak? The mountain in this game isn’t just a one-time setting, it’s part of the game for a considerable length of time. The irritating system of having Pokémon jump out at you every two seconds in caves means it’s quite a memorable experience. And it is being remade as Brilliant Diamond and Shining Pearl for more mountainous fun!